User talk:DarkRose111
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Squidward's Suicide page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SoPretentious (talk) 19:21, June 2, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:40, June 19, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Your story was deleted because it wasn't up to quality standards. Starting with the basics, your story is improperly formatted. You tend to put one sentence for every paragraph ("I'm the twisted dark object you see threatening you in your room when the world is pitch black.") which really comes off as padding out the story and gives the story an anemic feel (more on that later). If you meant this more as a poem (as the other versions I've read), then I can get into the lyrical, flow, and rhythm issues, but I'm pretty sure you mean this more as a story due to the lack of those qualities. Wording issues: There is quite a lot of awkward wording here. "I can send you completely insane, spewing out incomprehensible words.". This feels awkwardly worded. Try reading it aloud. Did you mean to say 'I can send you into insanity.' or 'I can turn you completely insane'? As it's currently worded, it really breaks the story flow. "I'm not a person, nor a demon or any other type of living thing. I live inside of you" To say that it's not a living thing and segue into it living inside someone is counter-intuitive. It would be like saying 'I don't eat anything. I eat dreams.'. "I'm the fear. I'm the one thihing (sic) you should be scared about (scared of).", etc. Story issues: Here's where the major problems are. First and foremost, the concept has been addressed quite a lot. There's even a pretty popular narrator (iirc it was Barnabas Deimos or MCP) who has a similar story written from the perspective of imagination/fear. It's a more narratively told story with the ideology being anthropomorphized and telling a story of fear/imagination stalking someone, but it hits a lot of the same points as your story. It also reminds me of the "I am Hope" / "I am Fear" poems that are pretty common. Story issues cont.: A lot of your story is padded out with metaphors/examples. "I'm the twisted dark object you see threatening you in your room when the world is pitch black.", "I'm the thuds and bangs you hear when you're all alone with no one to protect you.", "I'm the shiver that runs down your spine when you're trembling all over.", "I'm the thumping you can hear when your heart is racing in your chest", etc. Your story is fifteen lines long and six of those lines are "I am this thing." and "I am that thing." One or two comparisons are fine, but then it's two-fifths of your story, it really comes off as padding. Those were a few of the issues present in your story, as for writing a novel, I would suggest looking over this guide and submitting your completed version to the writer's workshop for feedback before uploading it onto the main site. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:06, July 12, 2016 (UTC)